Guidelines for seeking a partner for life — God’s way.

by Israel Rodriguez

Recently, a brother from church asked me a question that, although simple, reveals a deep concern shared by many young and not-so-young Christians. Thousands of believers ask themselves this question every day, especially those who wish to honor God in all areas of their lives, including love and marriage: Is it more spiritual to wait patiently in prayer for that special someone, or is it acceptable to take initiative and search for them?

This tension between human action and dependence on God’s will has sparked many doubts, conversations, and, at times, frustrations.

In the Christian context — especially in the Church of God (Seventh Day) — this dilemma is even more relevant, because courtship is not seen as merely a romantic phase but as a path toward marriage, a sacred institution. Furthermore, the Bible does not provide a step-by-step manual on how to find a partner in the twenty-first century. This leaves room for interpretation, personal experience, and well-intentioned — but not always accurate — advice.

In a culture that normalizes casual dating, Christians seek something deeper: a Christ-centered relationship filled with purpose and holiness.

Taking initiative

Within the Christian community, two common views often arise regarding how singleness should be lived.

“I’m waiting on God.” This approach is based on fully trusting that God, in His perfect timing, will bring the right person. Those who adopt this stance often reject actively seeking someone, viewing the search as a sign of anxiety or lack of faith.

“I’m praying and open to meeting people.” This second view involves prayer for divine guidance, while also being open to participating in activities, meeting people, and exploring possibilities. It’s not seen as a lack of faith but rather an act of wisdom and responsibility.

What does the bible teach us?

A clear example is the meeting of Isaac and Rebekah in Genesis 24. Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for his son. While there was prayer and trust in God’s guidance, there was also intentional action. The servant traveled, searched, asked for signs, and evaluated the response. There was prayer — but there was also movement.

This passage reveals an important truth: Faith is not opposed to action. In fact, many times God works through our decisions and obedient steps.

This leads us to the concept of free will within God’s sovereignty. While we believe God has plans for us, He also gives us the ability to choose, discern, and act in line with His will. Seeking a partner with wisdom and purpose is not a sin if done with a heart that longs to honor God in everything.

Why it’s hard

Finding a partner within the Christian context is not as simple as “just find someone who goes to church.” It involves several spiritual, emotional, and cultural filters that can make the process feel overwhelming.

Faith compatibility (2 Corinthians 6:14). The Bible advises us not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For many Christians, this means they cannot and should not consider relationships with those who don’t share their faith. Even with emotional or physical chemistry, spiritual differences can become a serious barrier to a lasting and healthy relationship.

High standards. It’s not enough for someone to simply believe in God. Many seek compatibility in character, spiritual maturity, life mission, and ministry calling. These expectations raise the bar and reduce the number of people with whom there may be a true spiritual and emotional connection.

Social pressure. While secular culture encourages delaying marriage and embracing casual relationships, many churches (including ours) may place pressure on singles to marry early. This double expectation can cause anxiety and confusion: “Am I too late? Am I too picky? Why are all my friends married and I’m not?”

Limited social circles. Many Christians interact only with other believers in limited settings, such as church or Christian events. While these are safe environments, they can also be limiting, reducing opportunities to meet someone compatible in a natural, pressure-free way.

Dating apps. Some Christians feel that dating apps are frivolous or incompatible with a spiritual view of love. Even with Christian platforms available, challenges remain: fake profiles, unrealistic expectations, or the fear of being judged for using them.

Doctrinal differences. Even within the faith, differences in denominational doctrine can be significant obstacles. These often don’t surface early on but can cause major conflict as the relationship deepens.

Personal and spiritual factors

Before seeking a partner, it’s essential that a person has a solid identity in Christ. It’s not about finding someone to “complete you” but about being a complete person in God — someone who knows their value, purpose, and calling.

Prayer and intentionality are also fundamental. A person shouldn’t search from a place of desperation but from a healthy heart that desires to share life and purpose with someone else. Ask yourself “Why do I want a relationship? What am I truly looking for?” These are part of the spiritual process.

Trusting in God’s timing is another pillar (Ecclesiastes 3:1). Sometimes the desire is legitimate but the moment has not yet come. And that’s not punishment — it’s preparation. There is so much to learn, heal from, and grow in before sharing life with someone else.

There’s deep value in the single season. It’s a time to deepen spiritually, serve, discover passions, and develop emotional wisdom. It’s not a stage to “survive” but one in which to flourish.

Unique obstacles

Living as a Christian means swimming upstream in many areas of modern culture. Here are some of the most specific obstacles.

• The conviction to wait until marriage for sexual relations. This decision, rooted in biblical principles, is countercultural and often drives away potential partners who do not share the same commitment.

• A lifestyle different from the secular world. The music you listen to, the language you use, your priorities and boundaries may seem strange even to others who identify as believers.

• Disappointment with those who say they are believers but don’t live the values. Not everyone who says, “Lord, Lord” lives under the lordship of Christ (Matthew 7:21). It’s painful but necessary to recognize that not all who call themselves Christians are seeking a relationship based on holiness, purpose, and honoring God.

Seek or wait?

The truth is, both are valid. The question is not whether you should seek or wait but how you live while you trust. The believer’s role is not passivity but active obedience. It means walking, moving forward, serving, growing, praying, discerning — and trusting.

Waiting is living with your eyes on Jesus, trusting that along the journey, God will align the timing, people, and circumstances.

Consider the following verses that help us balance this perspective:

“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22). Implies action.

“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4). Speaks of spiritual priorities.

“It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18). Affirms God’s desire for relationships.

Encouragements

Be an active part of your Christian community. Participate in activities, small groups, or ministries. These open genuine opportunities for connection and friendship.

Build real friendships. Not everything starts with romance. Many healthy relationships begin with deep and sincere friendships.

Use available tools with discernment. Christian dating apps are not bad in themselves. Use them with prayer, clear boundaries, and open eyes.

Grow spiritually and serve while you wait. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, focus on what God wants to do in you today. Serving matures you, shapes you, and connects you with others.

Looking for a partner isn’t easy, especially for those who want to honor God with their heart, body, and decisions. But it’s not impossible either. It’s not about getting desperate or closing yourself off. It’s about discernment. God doesn’t bless passivity nor reward anxiety. He honors active faith — the kind that trusts while walking, prays while living, and serves while waiting.

Remember: The most important thing is not finding a partner but walking with Christ every day. If that is in place, everything else will come in His perfect time —if marriage is God’s plan for you. Don’t wait for the right person to come. Be the right person while you wait and act in faith.