The rewards of seeking God’s priorities.

by Ruhama Tewodros Assefa

For years, I have been writing a journal for my future husband — letters filled with prayers, encouragement, and wisdom to help him grow as a godly man and spiritual warrior. I want him to be strong in faith, a leader in Christ, and someone who walks in wisdom.

But as much as I care about preparing for marriage, I realize something even more important: My greatest calling is not to prepare for a future husband but to seek God’s kingdom first.

In a world where women are often told that their highest purpose is to marry and serve a man, I have found that true wisdom is something much greater. It is not about waiting for a husband to give me purpose. It is about living fully in Christ now.

Misunderstood standard

Many people view Proverbs 31 as the ultimate guide to being a godly woman, often reducing it to homemaking and submission. But when we take a closer look, we see a powerful and wise woman:

“She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard” (v. 16). She makes business decisions and is financially independent.

“She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue” (v. 26). She leads with wisdom and kindness, teaching others with her words.

“She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks” (v. 17). She strengthens herself for the tasks ahead and is diligent in her work.

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” (v. 30). She reveres the Lord above all else, making Him the center of her life.

This passage is not about limiting a woman’s role; it is about empowering her to walk in wisdom and godliness in every area of life. It is about being strong, discerning, and kingdom minded.

God first

Many cultures, including mine, still hold the belief that a woman’s greatest achievement is marriage. While marriage is a beautiful gift from God, it is not the goal of our lives. Jesus tells us, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33).

The greatest wisdom we can have is the wisdom to seek God first. Before we prepare for marriage, a career, or any future milestone, we must prepare our hearts for God’s will.

Just as Jesus “grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man” before stepping into His calling (Luke 2:52), we too must pursue wisdom — not for the approval of society, not for a future spouse, but for God’s kingdom.

Women of wisdom

So, what does it look like to be a woman of wisdom in today’s world?

It means using your gifts boldly — whether in leadership, business, ministry, or the home.

It means being discerning — not believing everything culture tells you about your worth.

It means walking in faith — trusting God with your future, whether it includes marriage or not.

When we put God’s kingdom first, we step into a wisdom that is far greater than any societal expectation. We no longer chase approval or base our value on our marital status. Instead, we become women who reflect Christ in everything we do.

Changed prayers and high calling

I still write in my journal for my future husband, but my prayers have changed. I no longer pray just for “him” to be strong in faith. I pray that “I” will be strong in faith. I pray for wisdom, discernment, and a heart that seeks God first.

I also pray for the women around me, that they will see their worth, not in cultural expectations but in Christ.

I pray for the young girl who is told she must marry to be valuable.

I pray for the woman who feels stuck in a role she didn’t choose.

I pray for the world to see women as God sees them: strong, wise, and created for His glory.

At the end of the day, my identity is not in a future relationship but in who I am in Christ. Whether I marry or not, I want to be known not just as a Proverbs 31 woman but as a kingdom-seeker — a woman who fears the Lord, walks in wisdom, and follows Him above all else.

So to every woman who has been told her highest calling is marriage, I say: Your highest calling is Christ. Seek Him first. Everything else will fall into place.